Use it! Don't lose it!
This is one of the most important tantric practices in tantric sexuality. First, I
will briefly describe the differences between typical sex and tantric lovemaking.
In mainstream sex, mainly only the man reaches peak orgasm. Then,
whether we like or not, the sexual act ends because there is a big loss of
energy. However in tantric love making we may make love for hours and then
we might decide, "Wow… for now that's enough". As a result we feel
satisfied and energized as well.
Now let's go step by step into more of the details: in typical sex the man is so
keen to start the penetration that for him foreplay isn't necessary, he can start
straight away. But maybe as a couple they read some books on sexuality or he
heard from his woman that the female needs much more time to get ready. So,
they do a bit of foreplay and, in an average of less than 10 minutes, move into
penetration.
For the woman, this is still not enough time for her yoni to be ready and leads
to dissatisfaction, frustration, numbness, physical pain in her yoni, sexual
trauma etc. For the man, he reaches the so-called "point of no return", the
moment he cannot stop his ejaculation and has a so-called "peak orgasm" (for
men specifically that is an ejaculatory orgasm). The man, through ejaculation,
loses so much energy and then…. "What happens next?"- I always ask my
students this and they usually know the answer: "He goes to sleep". He is so
tired that he usually says, "Darling I love you but now I have to go to sleep". He
turns his back, and before she answers he is already snoring.
I don't need to add that this leaves the woman in a very unsatisfied
situation. It's a bit like the electricity went off, while you were enjoying the best,
exciting scene in an action movie. When the woman is lucky enough to
achieve peak orgasm (the clitoral orgasm), she doesn't lose as much energy as
a man does but usually enough that she loses her interest in continuing. This
loss disables her from achieving higher orgasms which are very healing,
liberating, energizing. That is why this basic way of tantric love-making that I
have just explained has to be applied not only by the men but by the women as
well.
In tantric love-making, we let the woman decide when she would like to begin
penetration. There are a few reasons for this but main ones are: First, that at
least she will also experience some pleasure. Second, that her yoni will be ready
for penetration which may result in a healing experience instead of
a traumatizing one.
When penetration begins, excitement rises up quickly. Before we reach the
point of no return, we perform the following 3 methods together:
1. Tightening the PC muscles
2. Breath
3. Visualization
Notice that you use them all together (similar technique in sexual Tao is
called "Microcosmic orbit")
Re 1: PC muscles - for more information about it you may read the practical
leaflet in the book, so I will keep it short and simple here with a quote from our
leaflet:
"…PC muscles: Training the PC muscles is one of the most simple but also most
efficient and beneficial techniques that people can get from tantra. There are
many health, physical, mental and sexual benefits from training those muscles.
Next time when you go to the toilet, on every breath in, stop urinating.
Recognize clearly which muscles you use. Those are the PC muscles. When you
know them, squeeze them and relax them 30 times, 3 times per day. Keep on
practicing. As you will notice training the PC muscles is not visible to others and
doesn't take all your attention, so it's perfect to do it in all possible situations
(I'm doing it even while I'm writing this text :) I have bet people that, after 1
month training, they will be thankful for this information…and I haven't lost
yet" :-)
When tightening the PC muscles you shoot the energy up.
Re 2: Breath. With each breath inhalation you suck the energy up. Also, notice that you
may slow down your excitement and gain control when you slow down the
breath.
Re 3: Visualization. It's very true what they say, energy goes where attention
flows. That's why, we help the flow with our visualization. You may visualize
energy as you like: green light ball, flame, snake, stream of light, ray etc.
Together Re: 1+2+3
First you breathe in while tightening the PC muscles and visualize the energy
going from your genitals through the back of the spine to the level of the heart
(at the beginning of your practice). Second, on the exhale you relax your PC
muscles and visualize the energy going down from your heart back to your
genitals. You repeat this circle 5-7 times until you feel that the energy that was
in your genitals (and was ready to explode through peak orgasm) is brought to
the heart and you are no longer at the point of no return. Then you may
continue with the penetration. Again and again, each time before you reach the
point of no return (better too early than too late because otherwise it is game
over and loss of energy happens), you make 5-7 of those circles and you
continue like that. After doing this 2-4 times you may feel that you experience
higher states of ecstasy than in typical sex and you may go on like this as high
as you like. As the time passes you (and especially your goddess) may feel like
"wow". Then after feeling so much bliss, overwhelmed by sensations or maybe
just noticing that it"s already morning and time to get up! .. Or because of the
kids, to eat, etc.… together with your partner, you decide to finish your
beautiful love-making.
POINTERS
One of the things tantra does is to guide you to be fully absorbed in the here
and now with your lover and this beautiful energy of sharing love. You may ask
yourself: how I may achieve that state when I have to be busy with some
complicated technique?
Do you remember yourself, or your kids learning how to ride a bicycle? You
had to be busy with your steering wheel, pedalling, keeping balance, looking up
and not down at the feet… - so many complicated things at once. Only the
childlike enthusiasm made you keep trying and falling many times. Do you ever
have to think about all those things while you're cycling now? No. You may have
an interesting conversation or study an audio book while you cycle and all those
complicated things don't take anymore of your attention at all.
I would like you to remember this example and to keep the enthusiasm of that
child wanting to cycle when you are doing the tantric practice. To make it easier
and less challenging, take your practice also out of your bedroom. Especially at
the beginning, any scratch or shout of your goddess may push you over the
edge, over the point of no return. A self-love practice would be safer and
would help you to get comfortable with the energy and technique. You may
train the PC muscles and the breath separately. Then after you get more
familiar, you may combine them together and then apply the visualization. With
practice, I'm sure, you will make this technique as part of your nature and you
can fully enjoy your goddess(god). By the way, for women we highly
recommend for the PC muscles, exercises with a yoni egg (you may buy it from
us for a comparable and good price).
Men are often asking me: When, then may I ejaculate? My answer is: as rarely as
possible. Why lose your precious energy? Why lose the opportunity of
experiencing higher realms of ecstasy just for, what we call it in tantric circles,
the "sneezing" orgasm? Believe me, once you taste tantric love-making, you
won't be interested in peak orgasms. However, when it happens, do not feel
guilty or shameful. There is too much of this in human sexuality as it is. With
tantra, we are healing from guilt and shame and we don't want to create more
of it. But remember to keep your intention strong and clear.
Especially at the beginning is good to go for a 49 day challenge. After such a
period without a peak orgasm, your physical addiction from ejaculation ends.
The hormones, which are so strong like in a heroin addicted person, stop being
produced and you're free. Only your mental attachment could still be there but
this, we remove by creating better, new experiences also in our workshops. A
49 day challenge, means that you do your best to avoid peak orgasm for 49
days while maintaining an active sexual life. Whenever it happens, without
being annoyed with yourself, you just start counting the days again from
beginning. Remember you are in the learning process and the patience
with your mistakes and transferring them into opportunities to grow are very
important aspects of tantra. Perseverance against all odds and keeping your
intention strong and clear could be another good virtue to learn through that
process.
One more thing to mention that is good to realize is that for many reasons, 1
from 5 women (20% of female population) never or very rarely experience
clitoral orgasm. For those women we exceptionally say go for it and enjoy it. We
compare the peak orgasm to the higher ones like kindergarten to university
(not even the basic school). For those 1 out of 5 women we say, go to
kindergarten first, enjoy and explore. But don't stay there all your life or for too
long when it's possible that you, like everyone without exception, may reach
the more heightened tantric orgasms of university.
Use it don't lose it :)
